Journal column - 9/10/18

STRICTLY Come Dancing is unlikely to be on the telephone to Theresa May when she's foxtrotted out of Downing Street by Conservative plotters or the nation at a General Election, a race developing to show her the door first.


Over the years clodhoppers such as John Sergeant, Ann Widdecombe and my good friend Ed Balls made up for a lack of slick moves with bags of personality yet the Maybot displays less emotional intelligence than a vending machine refusing to return your last £1 back when that can of coke fails to drop.


The self-styled Abba Dancing Queen's SOS was her Waterloo at the Tory conference when the country didn't exactly applaud what felt like the fading Prime Minister's plea to Take a Chance on Me.

OK, the bar was so low for that speech that it was actually on the ground after last year's unmitigated disaster.


I watched 12 months ago in disbelief as the hapless Tory leader suffered a car crash with a P45, coughing fit and slogan falling off the stage.


Fast forward a year and how far she's fallen was gauged by applause in the hall, from Tories waiting to dance on her grave, for a routine that would see her asked to leave any night spot in the land to avoid distressing clubbers.


We might be able to forgive her video of swaying awkwardly with South African children in Cape Town but the wonky ironing board act in Birmingham was, well, a sign of why the rest of the European Union's running rings around May.


She's been a dead woman walking since Labour wiped out the Conservative majority at the 2017 General Election when she arrogantly expected to waltz back into Downing Street with an enormous majority.


It's been downhill all the way after creating a Bung Parliament to buy with £1-billion of taxpayers' money the 10 votes of Northern Ireland's Democratic Unionist MPs to keep her in No 10.


I’ll never forgive the Tories for hurting our NHS as financial malnourishment plunges a precious public service into a Conservative crisis with waiting lists going up and up and up.


Look how divided May and Cabinet Ministers are over Brexit and she has another thing coming if she expects Labour to dig her out of the hole the PM's excavated for herself.


She's turned the Tories into the party of lawlessness and disorder by dismissing 20,000 police officers.


Off the rails, the party of privatisation was also forced to bring trains on the East Coast mainline back into public hands and the Northern crisis is on her watch.


And what's even worse is May jigs while living standards in a spluttering economy fall or barely rise no matter how hard folk work. Universal Credit will make life worse for people in and out of work, the roll out of benefit a sneaky backdoor grab of incomes.


It sticks in my throat that more and more families, through no fault of their own, are being left with no choice to turn to a food bank just to survive.


I often hear rumours of an early General Election in Westminster and I long for the day it occurs because the more I see and hear of May the more I'm convinced this country needs a Labour Government.


A Labour Government that will protect jobs, improve living standards, provide houses, revitalise public services and rebuild a country that works for the many, not the privileged few.


So I say to Theresa May: Bring it on!


Call that General Election instead of dancing around, pretending you're relevant when in fact you're out of time.


Meet your MP


Stephen Hepburn has served the Jarrow Constituency as MP since 1997.

He was last elected to serve in June 2017 and won the seat with a conclusive 17,263 majority.

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